just do it

it's located at get a map, and fuck off

relief

The truth of this all hasn't hit me yet.
My first initial reaction was to cry; .but I just couldn't. It didn't feel right.
Right now, in this very moment I feel relieved.
There will be no more sacrifices for you.
So you can go ahead and be with her.
I hope she can give you everything you wanted.
I'm not sorry anymore that I couldn't.
You no longer deserve that part of me.

this feeling

All I want is for him to want to be with me the way that I do.

insecurity

I thought I could let go of everything you've done so we could move forward.

I shouldn't have to feel insecure if I'm with you. But I'm always questioning everything we have.
When you look at me I don't feel admired;

When you touch me I don't feel loved;

When you say 'I promise' I don't trust you.

So why?

Why do I choose to put myself through this heartache?

I hope I can find my worth in myself; without you.
Because these demons in my head keep telling me that I'll never be enough.

fuck yea buddaaaay

dodge

You do a really good job at avoiding the question.
You talk about irrelevant subjects that don't answer what I'm asking.
You need to be blunt with me. Be as straight forward and to the point as possible.
Your not protecting me by dismissing the truth.
I just want to know where we stand once and for all.
I need to know so I can start to move on with my life. Don't be selfish and keep me for your ego.
Let me go if you don't want me the way I want you.

I want to be free

I close my eyes and I'm home.

e-mail

It's all about sacrifice with you.
I've given up pretending not to care, because you'll see me and know that I still do.
I've never stopped loving you.
I only went numb when you were away, keeping my thoughts in the back of my mind.
I just poured out everything I've been thinking to you.
Sorry it was in an e-mail.

where am I going to end up?
after this is all said and done; where?
how many more answers can you give me till you know it's the right one.

through these dark hours

will I get out of this little hell?

these thoughts in my head

your coming home soon, and I don't know what to do.
I'm probably over thinking everything.
You don't owe me anything, and I most certaintly owe you nothing.
It's going to bother me you know, wondering whether or not you'll call me when you get home.
Will you?
I already have the image painted in my head. -waking up that morning, waking up on that date; knowing what it means. I'll have my phone on silent, but what does that count when I'll be checking it non-stop. Then the day will be over, and maybe I'll hear from you.
Why does it matter anyway? Why do I have this built up in my head so much?
You and I, we tried and we can't be together. 
So why am I investing so much on this day? On this call that might not happen?
Even if it does, what difference will it make?
We can't go anywhere.
misery.

I DON'T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE.

you know who you are

why does this feel so familiar?

last night was perfect. we really needed that.

it felt so right being together, with you holding my hand and kissing my forehead.

she was there, but that didn't matter. it was only you and i in the room and it's all we cared about.

it felt so surreal, but it was acknowledged that we were together.

you were mine for the night, and i was yours.

that night reminded us of what we both want.

to have each other's hearts.

and i realize it's going to be okay.

where are you

without you i'd be miserable at best

"Normal memories were still dangerous. If I let myself slip up, I’d end up with my arms clutching my chest to hold it together, gasping for air."

controversy

that overused expression:
" maybe he's the one for me, but i'm not the one for him. "
Dear God. I hope its not true.

i whip ma hair back and forth

 

i want an ombre. so bad.

forever just ain't no thang

i will always love you.

haunted

my dreams were clouded with images of your face last night.
your empty promises. the future we painted together. it was all there.
your face haunts me today. the sound of your voice echoes in my thoughts.
its breaking me.
mind racing, eyes burning, heart beating.
sweet dreams, i'll see you tonight.

three

your too independent to miss someone.
sexual, but no one night stand lies in your bed.
commitment? the future? these questions cannot be asked.
your status makes you feel dominant.
you have a strong sense of masculine pride. it is repulsive.
if you could see what is in front of you, you would see how beautiful she is.
but you want to be taken care of.
this is what you think is attractive.

i recognize you from somewhere.

we met a long time ago, do you remember?

you introduce yourself to me and the thrill is on.

the excitement of seeing each other is hidden behind every smile.

tension, attraction, yes. it lingers there in the room.

so does my embarrassment; the sting as if i have been slapped.

she wouldn't appreciate it if she knew.

neither would i if you were mine.

after days of waiting to hear from you, i see your name.
this may just make my day.
wrong.
have i talked to your ex.. what do you think.
you have highlighted a huge insecurity.
do. not. ask how i am doing after.
i dont think you care.
it hurts a lot more to think that you could.

inconvenience

i am not convenient for you.

no guilt. no apologies. no acceptions. 

i am not the coward you think i am. that coward i used too be.

recognition sinks in, and i can see you clearly.

we're not the same people.

.

 but these feelings, are inconvenient.



phone call

i was  |     THIS       |  close to calling you.

knowing i'd hear your voice in thirty seconds.

that throaty laugh i love.

it was too close. way too close.

ink

the back of a woman; elegant, flawless, and fair.
will i be taking away it's beauty with ink? the only place left unscarred.

   

truth: i'm scared shitless.

pilot

your warships are lying, off the coast of this delicate heart.

and your aim is steady and true, as its been right from the start.

------

                           

 naked; vulnerable.

 i surrender.

you are triumphant, victorious over my heart.